Most of us don’t learn about sex or sexuality very directly, we receive indirect message from other people, starting with our parents-the way they act toward each other and the way they feel about their own sexuality. We may feel shy about sex, for example, if our parent never showed affection in front of us. Or we may feel ashamed of our bodies if our parents were unduly strict about nudity, insisting that we keep our bodies well covered and hidden from others.
As we grow older, we also learn about sex and our sexuality from our friends, from books and movies, from advertisements, and even from jokes. We begin to shape our own ideas of how men and women should handle themselves sexually, about what is right and wrong, and about the correct and incorrect way to handle sexual encounters and sexual feelings. We may learn the basic biological facts of sexual intercourse at school or from a manual, but we rarely talk about how we feel about our anatomy and our sexuality. Despite sexual activity, we usually ignore them, almost pretending they don’t exist.
People in our society often tend to feel guilty about sex. That is quite different from being shy, or feeling the need to be private about sex. Perhaps, unfortunately, sex is commonly thought to be “dirty” and some people even feel that they shouldn’t have at all. Some people wonder if they are wrong to masturbate, and some feel so uncomfortable about having sex that their guilt prevents them enjoying the experience at all. The unnecessary guilt may lead them to risk pregnancy by not planning for effective contraception and to feel bad about themselves and their partners.
Happily, however, many people see sex and their own sexuality in more positive terms. They recognize that sex can be a way of expressing affection and can add an important and satisfying dimension to a relationship when shared in a responsible way.
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